I wanted to write about J. Cole. I wanted to get on my pedestal and scream from the highest mountain top that he was right. I wanted to hold NoName to the fire for trying to weaponize her ideals against someone who has been seemingly doing the work. When Mike Brown was murdered in Ferguson, Missouri, J.Cole was visible, he was present, he donated time, sweat equity, his voice, and his platform to a cause that is STILL happening to this day. Hell he even made a song dedicated to the crime and captured the angst of the voiceless.
I wanted to write a diatribe about men and women that used their social media platforms to criticize instead of having an actual discourse that would further understanding. I was livid, I couldn’t understand why people would want to hold “celebrities” to an unreal standard of morality and righteousness. I wanted to know what was the fascination with letting others speak for us, were we not capable?, did we not understand nuance and context? What was I missing?
Then I decided to educate myself and research the definition of “Tone Policing” and what it meant to literally and figuratively silence or hush a black woman. Tone Policing is generally defined as an ad-hominem(personal attack or slight) based solely on criticizing a person for expressing emotion. Armed with this new found information I quickly went back to J. Cole ‘s song “Snow in the Bluff” which in itself is a response to the criticisms placed upon him and his peers. As I listened repeatedly, I tried to hear the point, the gotcha moment in which he deliberately told a black woman to watch her tone when speaking. Did that moment ever come?
At this point I’m more confused than ever, I kept thinking to myself, what am I missing?, i’m normally very adept at picking these things apart and taking men to task for committing such acts. Did I miss the nuance? Do I not understand context? Was J.Cole that much of a wordsmith that even I couldn’t catch what he was really trying to do? I truly don’t have a cogent enough argument to speak against him or for him at this point.
As I kept reading, I learned that people who accuse others of tone policing are in fact tone policing themselves. At what point can we have a healthy discourse? When can we listen to one another without listening to rebuttal but to actually gain a true understanding of what Black Women truly go through. I truly wanted to write about J.Cole, I wanted to say he was right and people just don’t understand him, I wanted to dismiss NoName wholeheartedly but I can’t in good conscience. I can truly say that with this situation, I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know the world in its entirety, I’ve done my best to be as informed as possible but this situation has me baffled to the point of questioning my own sensibilities. However I do know this much, NoName wasn’t wrong but neither was J.Cole.